he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
