I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
