do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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