At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The power of my boobs compel you
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
