Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
