I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
