I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
