I feel like abortions should bother me more
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
