textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
