i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
