paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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