Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She said her name was "party"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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