found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
