Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
