either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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