I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
