i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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