it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
this hospital has no fireball
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
