last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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