my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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