It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
