I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
