Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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