I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
