she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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