We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize