I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
