I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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