Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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