Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
