I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
