I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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