you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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