He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
