I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize