I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
