What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
