awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
