I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
