You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
