Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
