i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
