i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
