I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
