saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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