Someone shit on the floor
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
