he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
