im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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