His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize