K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
