Already got asked if we're dating
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
