i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
