he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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