Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
