Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
