I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize