if you like me you must not know who I am
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
