is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
