When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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