Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
