Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
