it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
