I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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