she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
