Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
