I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
